894 km of Butt Ache Later...

I was sweating water faster than I could drink it. It was one of those amazing phenomenas that showed me exactly why I had yet to see any other cyclists on the road!

It was officially the hottest day of the year with temperatures soaring over 40 degrees, but for some reason I'd woken up at 5 and talked myself onto my bicycle and left my Sukhothai haven... I had no idea what I was in for...

DAY 8 - Sukhothai - Uttaradit

5 Kilometers out of town I saw my first accident of the day - a woman had riden her motorbike into a ditch... my third dead body of the ride... It always puts a damper on things knowing how fragile and short life is but it's a great way to remember to make the most of the time we have; still it's never a good way to start a morning - ever!

The terrain got dryer, the roads got worse and then turned to dirt. I saw my first live snake and had my first minor crash trying to escape an oncoming truck and hitting a pocket of sand. It was a rough morning that led me to a 3 hour lunch break in a town that sounds like saskatchewan, but I think that's in North America somewhere... and I'd cycled far, but not that far.

The afternoon bought with it yet another flat tyre and the first of the hills but that's okay because I had entered the province of Uttaradit and the sign board informed me that it was a 'Dream Land, Heaven on Earth'

It wasn't quite what I expected Heaven to be like though...  I pictured a lot less sweat, dirt and stray puppies...

DAY 9: Uttaradit - Lampang

I was warned about the 150+ km stretch I had before me and when real cyclists say it's a tough cycle, you know you're going to die... I climbed onto my bike with dread, only to discover yet another flat tyre (ARRRRGGGGG!)

The first real hill after a country filled with so much flat was hell. And through the day, every hill I came to I swore I was going to ditch the bicycle forever until I was rewarded with the downhills. They almost [but not quite] made it all worthwhile.

The view from the top of the first hill 300m higher than it should be

I spent most of the day asking God nicely to change the terrain. He didn't. 

It doesn't look like much but that there truck signs signifies at least 5 km of uphill ahead. I hate that sign!

By 2pm I was running on empty - I was half way up a massive hill running low on water and needing energy badly. For the first time in Thailand I found close on 30 km without any food stores (You normally can't go 50m without a 7/11) I was beginning to think that possibly I had died and gone the wrong way.

Wasting away I saw a sign pointing to a town called Long and in desperation I detoured in search of sustenance. I found a whole town full of smiley people who ran out to meet me and gave me water and fed me and desserted (as in gave me dessert) me and the guy below tried to marry me - he even borrowed a bike and tried to follow me out... and life was better again... 

...until the next hill.

By 8pm I had reached the city limits and still had 17 km to go. I'd just broken my tail light while desperately cycling away from a pack of dogs uphill. There was no road shoulder, no street lights, no nothing and I was finished. It pained me inside, but I knew what i Had to do, I stuck out my head torch and flagged down any and every passing vehicle until one finally stopped.

The other 8 people in the back of the bakkie (ute/ pick-up) all squashed aside for my bike to be loaded on and I'd thought about letting air out of my tyre to make me look more like a helpless ferang, but there was no need... My bicycle had done it for me.

DAY 10: Lampang - Chiang Mai

I don't know how I dragged myself out of bed, but I got straight onto my bike and started pedaling. The killometers were going down and three was something about that 100km mark that gave me the push I needed!

30 Km out I stopped to escape the heat and recharge on copious amounts of sugary beverages. I pushed myself down the winding roads and was rewarded with another sign 30 km later that said 'Chiang Mai 20' - but I was close. So close in fact that I even overshot and rode through Chiang Mai into the next town.

On my way back to the city the first rain of the season hit in a thunderous way and I was forced to take shelter at a friendly 7-11. Sadly it was 16-39pm and they only sell celebratory beers (or any beers for that matter) at 17h00 and as soon as 17h00 came so did the sun. And then Chiang Mai. And then a guesthouse...

And so surprisingly I find myself undead [but still very sweaty] - but I'm here. I'm in the process of getting clean laundry, I've applied for a Chinese visa and as soon as I find a toilet to wee I will have no more worries in the world!

I have no idea what exactly happens next, but for now life is flipping awesome and I'm just going to go wherever it takes me.

Back to Bisex

[*'Bisex' being 'Basix' mixed with 'Bike'.... not 'Bisexual' - I tell you this now in an attempt to not disappoint just in case that is what you were after]

The odd rest spot where sometimes you find hammocks... other times you get free drinks 

It’s been a long time coming, but I can proudly say that Bangkok is officially behind me. About 350 km behind me. After 12 visits to the city (5 of them this year) I’ve finally moved on. Now it’s just me and the bike and the teddy bear and the [sometimes very big and busy and scary] wide-open road all the way to Chiang Mai!

Day 1: Bangkok – Dutch Embassy - Ayuttaya

After a morning spent hunting down the Dutch embassy I’ve been there 3 times already, I really should know how to get there by now) to pick up my brand spanking new 65 page diplomatic passport (HOOORAAH – no more worries of a full passport!!!) I was out of there… out of the stench and grime and misdemeanors that make Bangkok tick… Well, sort of out of there… admittantly I did a few accidental laps of the city first.

And I was doing pretty well too until I got a flat tyre… my 7^th in a week. I was only 9km away from my destination so I decided to just pump it up and cycle like the wind but [and this is embarrassing], I couldn’t work out how to use my pump and for the first time I had no cycle buddies to help me out. About a kilometer walk down the road a motorcycle mechanic took pity on me, changed my tyre, mended a spare, and gave me 2 liters of water and then refused payment. I’d like to mention that this was the third time I’d been donated bottles of water today, not to mention the free energy drinks and coffee. Thai people are so lovely!!!

Cycling down the road my back tyre began deflating, but I was too ashamed to return and instead sucked it up and cycled with a flat. I arrived at about the same time as the moon…

Day 2: Learning to fix a tyre

Coming from the slums of Bangkok, Tony’s Guesthouse was a mecca of clean perfection so it wasn’t a massive ask to decide to stick around Ayuttaya for a day to learn how to fix a tyre and it only took 2 hours of frustration, but I now know how to remove, mend and reattach a wheel [I think] and that’s progress!

Auttaya at sunset

Ayuttaya is also a great place to finally sort out your car insurance only 5 months after leaving Australia [and my camper van]…

The ruins of the city are impressive too and an evening cycle to see the clusters of ancient temples at sunset is well recommended!  

Day 3: Ayuttaya – Sing Buri – In Buri

After reading three different cycle forums and reading how each got their first flat tyre on the way to Sing Buri, I decided to leave at dawn – one for them probably signified 15 for me (at least)… But alas, by 12 I’d cycled the 100 odd km puncture free and was unsure of what to do next.

After lunch, I escaped the heat of the day by googling hotels in the next 70 km and the interweb informed me they didn’t exist… Obviously I wanted to prove the internet wrong…

….I spent the night sleeping with a local family who tried to marry me off and force me to stay forever so I could be the village English teacher.

My local 'mum'

Day 4: In Buri – Nakhon Sawan

After a night of bed bugs and strange noises mossies, I hit the road exhausted and it’s hard enough to stay awake when the roads are straight and quiet and dull and flat so I’ve taken to counting things:

Rabid dogs who chase you and try and bite: too many

Trees that actually shade my side of the road: 6

Dead Snakes: 124

Living Snakes: None. They’ve all been killed

Military vehicles, carrying armed soldiers (big guns in hand) and tanks: 104 – It got to the point where I was expecting to cycle into a full fledged war zone. Wait, I haven’t read the news in a while, is Thailand a war zone???

And now I’m here. I stopped in Nakhon Sawan because that’s where every other cyclist stops and I couldn’t handle breaking more hearts. I’m hiding in my hotel room because it’s hot outside and downstairs is packed with Thai business men trying to force [against my wishes of course] alcohol upon me and it’s the fifth time since I left South Africa the last time (507 days ago I think) that I have air con and I feel like I need to make the most of it.

I’m only 578 km away from Chiang Mai and haven’t a clue what the future holds. Tomorrow I travel onwards… Probably.

Diary of a Pretend-to-be-Biker : Why most People Take the Bus

By the 7^th hour of my three hour bus ride to Saigon, Vietnam - covered in the drool of my fellow passengers who mistook my shoulders for pillows - I swore I’d never take the bus again and 10 days later, I’ve managed to keep that promise…

After a spontaneous Sunday stroll through motorbike dealers and a couple of hours of negotiating, haggling, and pretending I knew what I was talking about (not that it would have made any difference really seeing as nobody speaks English anyway) I headed to the safe confines of my hostel on Percy – Who I now know is a 93cc Chinese look alike bike (that says “Made in Korea” on the side). I do love him anyway.

Five minutes later I slammed on my breaks as a suicidal biker whacked the motorcycle in front of me straight into a car. Less than a minute later, another accident. It’s not surprising really, there’s about 100 motorbikes per Capita in Ho Chi Minh City. My first stop was the helmet shop – I didn’t really believe I’d want a $1.40 helmet being my only lifeline… I forked out $10 instead.

By my second day of proud ownership the indicators, hooter, and speedometer had all decided to take a vacation… but no worries… mechanics in these parts can fix anything – and by the end of it Percy was less Chinese already. I got the oil changed and tweaked the breaks too and was all set for the 1800ish km adventure that lay before me.

Proudly accomplishing the impossible - all my worldly belongings on one bike!

Day 1: Tuesday 14 Feb

I delayed departure as long as possible – the traffic freaked me out and I thought it impossible to fit all my worldly belongings onto one bike (even if the general population does it on a daily basis with grandparents and children aboard too). But it worked brilliantly and by 9 am I was winding in and out traffic, doing loops of the city trying to find the road out of town. I suppose I should have thought of maps.

 was loving life until some part of my back wheel dislodged itself and had the whole bike screaming at me. Mechanic visit the second was even free… and apart from the minor glitch, I survived the 227.7 km drive to Mui Ne effortlessly!

Day 2: Wednesday 15 Feb

After a morning spent racing kids on bum boards down sand dunes I set off for Da Lat only to discover a fuel leak which took a 9 year old only about two hours to fix (after I finally managed to act out the problem)…

The rolling hills and rural villages had me feeling like I was living in a movie and when dark descended 100 km out of town I didn’t mind finding a random village hotel to crash in.

Day 3: Thursday 15 Feb

I’m proud to say I survived a whole day mechanic free which in retrospect is a massive accomplishment, even if it was only a 100 km drive… My randomly acquired roommate in Da Lat (Land of wine and flowers and the crazy house – definitely worth a visit) wasn’t so lucky though – she was blown off the road by a speeding truck and had just returned from the hospital…

 Day 4: Friday 16 Feb

Rain. Masses and masses of rain. Mixed with the fog and mountainous clouds it made visibility very poor which really isn’t ideal when you’re gliding through some of the most beautiful mountainous terrain on earth and it’s even less ideal when the roads come standard issue with pot holes and speeding busses… but mind-blowing none the less. I was happy to arrive In Nha Trang 258 km later though – mostly for a warm shower!

Day 5: Saturday 17 Feb

With the need to celebrate a friend’s birthday for a third day in a row and an urge to actually explore places, I let Percy rest and spent the entire day aboard a local boat exploring islands with half the world’s Irish population.

Day 6 : Sunday 18 Feb

I was wondering how exactly my ex-roommate had been blown off the road. But Sundays ocean breeze was more hurricane like than anything else, and when it wasn’t blowing you off the road it made headwind that would let you max out at 30 km an hour. The rain didn’t help either… but the coastal road made it all worthwhile – mountains and beaches strewn with sporadic luminous green rice paddys for kilometers on end! I only made it as far as Tuy Hoa (137 km) but I didn’t mind too much – it’s a fascinating little town!

Day 7: Monday 19 Feb

I was quite impressed at my wind resisting abilities and even the pouring rain didn’t get me down. I was making great progress and with my ipod blaring I was loving life!

I was ironically trying to find a mechanic (Percy’s battery’s dying fast) when I got my first ever motorbike flat – very different from a car really in that you have to balance yourself, the bike, and the 30 kilogram odd luggage strapped onboard. I somehow managed to dodge the passing truck and was lucky enough to be only meters away from a tyre repairsman (of which there are so so many). An hour later I was on the road again thinking back to the 21 flat tyres I got in Mongolia a few years previous when it happened again.

Wheel change take 1

Wheel change the second

 I pushed Percy to the closest repairsman and tried to explain that there must be some sort of actual problem to lose the same tyre twice and they assured me there wasn’t – but then again, I’m not entirely sure they understood either… This time it was only a 30 minute wait and 1/5 of the price. I drove off slowly stopping every couple of kilometers to check the tyre.

Wheel change the third

I was beginning to believe the problem was solved when the bike next to me waved me down and I felt the bike swerve below me. This time I used photographs and a diagram and charades to explain my predicament and I’m still not sure he understood – but he did double-line my tyre and there was literally nothing else I could do – I even checked the wheel’s inside myself…

10 km passed, 15… everything was going great until masses of sparks started flying and the loudest scratching filled the air just as school kids filed out for home time. I didn’t even want to look – the wheel had exploded for sure…

Fortunately enough it was only the chain guard that had come apart and wedged itself in the wheel and a quick visit to a welder had me sorted.

I’m still not sure whether my tyre problem’s have been solved – but I’ve decided to crash in Bong Son for the night in a hotel that also sells coffins (no jokes). There’s no English, no wifi, and I’m pretty sure there’s no house keeping either… but that’s okay, because if I don’t get eaten alive by the bed bugs and if my bikes alright in the morning (assuming it doesn’t get “borrowed” in the night) then I’ll actually get to post this and we can all have a good cup of coffee to celebrate aliveness!

Now this might all sound pretty pessimistic, but I’d do it all again if I had the option – this picturesque country was made for the motorbike!!! Tomorrow starts a new day and I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will mark the end of my worries!

Most people just take the bus… I can understand why.