HANOI: It's always good to not be Dead.

Phong Nha... somewhere in Vietnam

It really is good to not be dead. I'm grateful for every minute of undeadliness and hope to maintain it for quite some time to come.Years even.

2254 km of epicness from Saigon, I've arrived in Hanoi. And despite the four flat tyres, the snapped swing arm, the dismantled chain guard, the destroyance of my shocks, the driving straight through a road block, the death of my battery and my spark plugs and my hooter, the getting pinned under my bike twice - once in the middle of the Ho Chi Minh highway - and the incessant rain, I've loved every second of it - every single second!!! I still can't actually believe it's over. I made it to Hanoi. Percy made it to Hanoi!

Driving with a gang has been amazing too. Coming down the Hai Van Pass brought saw the most spectacular sunset of my life and having people to share the incredibleness with was a must. As were the thousands of jaggered cliffs that littered the vast green grey terrain.  

Sunset at the bottom of the Hai Van pass

Every time we stopped to ask directions or recount near death experiences with cows and busses; school kids would flock to admire our dirty bikes, whiter skins, and Teddy

The final 15 km were the hardest of the trip. The roadworks had busses and trucks and bulldozers and livestock merged on a single lane pot-holed track where more motorbikes than there are cockroaches in Africa raced to random destinations carrying their families and fridges and goats. Only 5 km out of town I lost the gang and spent a couple of hours searching the old city for our preascertained finish line. But at 17-54 on a Sunday, with only 6 minutes to spare on happy hour beer, I pulled into Hanoi and parked my Percy alive - an accomplishment I still can't fathom!

Ian, new rider of Percy

Two days ago I sold my beloved scooter to Ian, the tallest Australian I've met in a while and he's just began the racing to Saigon to make a flight. I do hope Percy treats him nicely!

All I have left now are a few cuts, burns, scars and bruises as memories.

It's hard to believe that despite the stampedes of cows and cars and busses that have run at me I'm still alive  - I must have cheated death more times in Vietnam than any other country I've visited before. And it's not over yet either - I still need to flee the country - I'm not sure where to go from here - but it still won't be onto a bus... life's too short for busses!!!

Saying the final goodbye's in Hanoi...
please note how I hold two drinks in hand to try and cope
with the emotional torment

Gang of Five : Bringing Terror to the Streets

With our street rep spreading far and wide, our little gang swelled in size and although many applied (everyone wants to be a part of a grisly gang with a ginormous Teddy bear) we settled on "The Five".  

We may not have been the fiercest, or the largest, or the fastest biker gang racing up Vietnam... but we were clearly the best and with 1117 km still to go we sent shivers down the spines of almost everything on the road (except for the truckies and busses and cyclists and toddlers and cows and suicidal chickens and cigarette smoking school kids and the dogs and pigs and overloaded motorbikes and bulldozers and donkey carters and rogue fruit falling from passing vehicles)

We left Hue as 5. 

Teddy Teddison, the world's dirtiest Teddy bear... proud owner f very sophisticated donated attire...

Adeena on the world's hardcorestest scooter, Percy

Lorenz, the German guy and Old Benjamin his humble steed

Ben, the token American and his used to be green Minsk, Old Buffalo

Leo, the French Canadian we called "Red"

Dave, the realer Canadian we called "Blue"

Diary of a Pretend-to-be-Biker : Wrong Turns

Sometimes it's worth doing the 20 km detour down the wrong dirt road full of overflowing sewerage pipes and angry police officers... sometimes it's those wrong turns that lead you to those exact people that you are meant to be meeting - the random strangers who are soon to become your own personalised biker gang...

The road to nowhere, somewhere, Central Vietnam

After a whole week of lonesome driving I'd resigned to believing I'd be finishing my motorbike escapades  alone - just me and Teddy and Percy and whatever Vietnam decided to throw at me... and I was okay with that. I'd broken down enough times to know I'd survive. But after leaving Hoi An, a place most people visit to suit up in tailored designer attire (I did my laundry, for me that was close enough) I happened to stumble across  the still unfathomable...

...It was all very surreal too. I was just breathing in the polluted ocean air [on the way back to the real road] when from nowhere,  below a ginormous buddha sat two bikers with a map stretched out. I slammed the brakes, meandered out of the way of a passing truck and the rest is history. We were three [and a Teddy bear].

Diary of a Pretend-to-be-Biker : Why most People Take the Bus

By the 7^th hour of my three hour bus ride to Saigon, Vietnam - covered in the drool of my fellow passengers who mistook my shoulders for pillows - I swore I’d never take the bus again and 10 days later, I’ve managed to keep that promise…

After a spontaneous Sunday stroll through motorbike dealers and a couple of hours of negotiating, haggling, and pretending I knew what I was talking about (not that it would have made any difference really seeing as nobody speaks English anyway) I headed to the safe confines of my hostel on Percy – Who I now know is a 93cc Chinese look alike bike (that says “Made in Korea” on the side). I do love him anyway.

Five minutes later I slammed on my breaks as a suicidal biker whacked the motorcycle in front of me straight into a car. Less than a minute later, another accident. It’s not surprising really, there’s about 100 motorbikes per Capita in Ho Chi Minh City. My first stop was the helmet shop – I didn’t really believe I’d want a $1.40 helmet being my only lifeline… I forked out $10 instead.

By my second day of proud ownership the indicators, hooter, and speedometer had all decided to take a vacation… but no worries… mechanics in these parts can fix anything – and by the end of it Percy was less Chinese already. I got the oil changed and tweaked the breaks too and was all set for the 1800ish km adventure that lay before me.

Proudly accomplishing the impossible - all my worldly belongings on one bike!

Day 1: Tuesday 14 Feb

I delayed departure as long as possible – the traffic freaked me out and I thought it impossible to fit all my worldly belongings onto one bike (even if the general population does it on a daily basis with grandparents and children aboard too). But it worked brilliantly and by 9 am I was winding in and out traffic, doing loops of the city trying to find the road out of town. I suppose I should have thought of maps.

 was loving life until some part of my back wheel dislodged itself and had the whole bike screaming at me. Mechanic visit the second was even free… and apart from the minor glitch, I survived the 227.7 km drive to Mui Ne effortlessly!

Day 2: Wednesday 15 Feb

After a morning spent racing kids on bum boards down sand dunes I set off for Da Lat only to discover a fuel leak which took a 9 year old only about two hours to fix (after I finally managed to act out the problem)…

The rolling hills and rural villages had me feeling like I was living in a movie and when dark descended 100 km out of town I didn’t mind finding a random village hotel to crash in.

Day 3: Thursday 15 Feb

I’m proud to say I survived a whole day mechanic free which in retrospect is a massive accomplishment, even if it was only a 100 km drive… My randomly acquired roommate in Da Lat (Land of wine and flowers and the crazy house – definitely worth a visit) wasn’t so lucky though – she was blown off the road by a speeding truck and had just returned from the hospital…

 Day 4: Friday 16 Feb

Rain. Masses and masses of rain. Mixed with the fog and mountainous clouds it made visibility very poor which really isn’t ideal when you’re gliding through some of the most beautiful mountainous terrain on earth and it’s even less ideal when the roads come standard issue with pot holes and speeding busses… but mind-blowing none the less. I was happy to arrive In Nha Trang 258 km later though – mostly for a warm shower!

Day 5: Saturday 17 Feb

With the need to celebrate a friend’s birthday for a third day in a row and an urge to actually explore places, I let Percy rest and spent the entire day aboard a local boat exploring islands with half the world’s Irish population.

Day 6 : Sunday 18 Feb

I was wondering how exactly my ex-roommate had been blown off the road. But Sundays ocean breeze was more hurricane like than anything else, and when it wasn’t blowing you off the road it made headwind that would let you max out at 30 km an hour. The rain didn’t help either… but the coastal road made it all worthwhile – mountains and beaches strewn with sporadic luminous green rice paddys for kilometers on end! I only made it as far as Tuy Hoa (137 km) but I didn’t mind too much – it’s a fascinating little town!

Day 7: Monday 19 Feb

I was quite impressed at my wind resisting abilities and even the pouring rain didn’t get me down. I was making great progress and with my ipod blaring I was loving life!

I was ironically trying to find a mechanic (Percy’s battery’s dying fast) when I got my first ever motorbike flat – very different from a car really in that you have to balance yourself, the bike, and the 30 kilogram odd luggage strapped onboard. I somehow managed to dodge the passing truck and was lucky enough to be only meters away from a tyre repairsman (of which there are so so many). An hour later I was on the road again thinking back to the 21 flat tyres I got in Mongolia a few years previous when it happened again.

Wheel change take 1

Wheel change the second

 I pushed Percy to the closest repairsman and tried to explain that there must be some sort of actual problem to lose the same tyre twice and they assured me there wasn’t – but then again, I’m not entirely sure they understood either… This time it was only a 30 minute wait and 1/5 of the price. I drove off slowly stopping every couple of kilometers to check the tyre.

Wheel change the third

I was beginning to believe the problem was solved when the bike next to me waved me down and I felt the bike swerve below me. This time I used photographs and a diagram and charades to explain my predicament and I’m still not sure he understood – but he did double-line my tyre and there was literally nothing else I could do – I even checked the wheel’s inside myself…

10 km passed, 15… everything was going great until masses of sparks started flying and the loudest scratching filled the air just as school kids filed out for home time. I didn’t even want to look – the wheel had exploded for sure…

Fortunately enough it was only the chain guard that had come apart and wedged itself in the wheel and a quick visit to a welder had me sorted.

I’m still not sure whether my tyre problem’s have been solved – but I’ve decided to crash in Bong Son for the night in a hotel that also sells coffins (no jokes). There’s no English, no wifi, and I’m pretty sure there’s no house keeping either… but that’s okay, because if I don’t get eaten alive by the bed bugs and if my bikes alright in the morning (assuming it doesn’t get “borrowed” in the night) then I’ll actually get to post this and we can all have a good cup of coffee to celebrate aliveness!

Now this might all sound pretty pessimistic, but I’d do it all again if I had the option – this picturesque country was made for the motorbike!!! Tomorrow starts a new day and I’m hoping a good night’s sleep will mark the end of my worries!

Most people just take the bus… I can understand why.

Unfortellable Epicness : 2011

I left South Africa with only one plan - to head towards Spain... 

But as 2010 passed away 2011 brought with it more epicness than I could possibly imagine....

The year Began in Perth with fireworks and street partying and quality people....

Sadly Perth had to many Speedos on offer so I moved on...

I found a job in Tincurrin (Population 7.5) where I spent 6 weeks planting nearly 200 000 trees - I no longer need to worry about my carbon footprint...

With a ticket for Big Day out in Adelaide (4000 km away) I needed to get a move on and head East - sort of towards Spain....

Sadly there were no busses and the train was full so I was forced into a life of hitch hiking which accidentally became addictive...

 I made it to Adelaide alive and decided to keep moving....

So I crossed the great ocean road and Melbourne and everything inbetween ....

I made it to Sydney - but after licking the opera house there wasn't much else to do so I hitched on out...

And found other things to lick....

I accidentally landed a job I loved as an outdoor instructor with a bunch of brilliant people (who would have thought that possible in aus??) and ended up staying there for far too long...

I was there for so long I even began brewing my own beer...

I adopted a Kiwi who talked me into going to New Zealand...

Bored of all the sheep I gave sky diving a try...

I survived that so I tried snow boarding...

Back in Australia, I inherited Karla, the campervan of awesomeness and set about exploring the East coast...

And with all this fun to be had I decided that I'd probably want to come back to this side of the world someday so I did the last of my 88 days of rural farm work required for a second visa by farming chickens...

 With my first visa coming to an end I began to look for a boat...

But leaving it so last minute I failed and ended up flying to Bali with two gigantic stuffed toys in hand...

I successfully crossed to Java where I did find a boat and landed in Singapore just in time for new years...

And just like that 2011 was gone... It's gonna take a lot to beat such an epic year... 

With so many excellent people and brilliant experiences and so few boughts of food poisoning, it's going to take a lot to beat the year just gone.

It's now 2012 and currently I'm sat here in a beautiful haven on Sentosa island (SIngapore), watching the moon flicker across the water, listening to distant boats and a ticking fan; but tomorrow I return to the world of dirt and disorder and squat toilets and the unknown as I venture off to somewhere in malaysia. Tomorrow I'll be a gypsy again!

One Time, At Bush Camp...

I was quite impressed with my hitching efforts as I pulled up for induction at 7am that Aprily Monday morning. I'd been on the road for a while and had nothing that resembled clean clothes let alone interview attire but they let me in anyway... What I stumbled into I wasn't quite prepared for.

There were 17 of us all up. 2 Kiwis, a 56 year old woman and a random mix of youngster Aussies. Have I mentioned before that too many Aussies scare me? [ahhh shivers!] After a brief introduction it was challenge time - some strategising, some heights tests, some harness activity.... it was all new to me - I even had to ask if it mattered that I'd put the harness on inside out?! By the time we got on to knot knowledge I was just about ready to do a runner - I can't even tie a good old granny knot!

We lost 2 inductees that Monday night. Neither of them gave much explanation. One even left in tears. I spent most of that first night job hunting...

I survived the Tuesday's leap of faith and 20ish meter pulley threading. I survived Wednesday's canoe and heights rescues and by Thursday I was amazed that I was one of the 9 that remained. I even moved into more permanent accommodation - It was only a shipping container but it was a massive step up from the tent I'd lived in for weeks before 'the camp'.

Week one as a newbie was rough - I got up on the abseil tower and stared blankly at the ropes for what must have been 20 minutes while one of the managers painstakingly assessed me on my set-up. I failed rock climbing tie-offs. Twice. I failed pretty much every hard skill there was to fail, but somehow I made it through the week. And the next one. And before I knew it I'd passed all my assessments, including the soft skills, and was handed a dark blue "outdoor activities instructor" shirt and a contract.

I only planned to stay a little while - I mean Spain awaited, as did the 200 odd countries I've yet to visit - but I lasted the whole term and even came back from New Zealand for a second... 5 months later I'm still here and heading into a third. And if you think that's impressive then I should tell you that even with my complete lack of coordination and previous lack of all things outdoor instructory; I haven't killed anyone yet!

  

Temporary Employmentedness

Where was I....? Hmmm...? Tamworth - that's right stuck in Tamworth! The hellhole that is Tamworth. Chicken farmers. Foreigners. More chicken farmers. A big guitar. Nothing else. Nothing. I no longer had hopes. No longer had dreams. No longer had money. No longer had faith in mankind. I suppose I was alive and I should at least be grateful for that but Tamworth doesn't exactly make you feel very glad-to-be-aliveish...

I spent the morning job hunting and trying to find direction then grabbed my bags and headed out to the highway. I was going in whichever direction the first car was going. I knew I needed to get away from that place! I raised my thumb to the hitch when the german receptionist ran out after me. "I have job for you. Come quick. Okay?" I followed her back into the hostel and she passed me the phone.

"Well, I need someone to help me with my kids and horses" said the friendly lady on the other end of the phone.  "Do you have any experience with children?" I went into details of the years of random childcare my life's accumulated and I heard her smile. I don't know exactly how you hear someone smile, but she did. "And what about horses?" "Well... I owned a horse for 8 or 9 days once..."

Duke, my favouritest of the horses

Within the hour Renee arrived and I was off to a little town in some other nowhere land and I became a horserearing nanny lady. That was Wednesday. By Friday I was quite settled and was all packed and ready for the weekend's camping horse show when I decided I'd probably better check my mail quickly  and let mum know I wasn't dead (She worries sometimes). I scanned through the spam and found a "no subject" one that began "Hi, Thank you for your application. I would like to invite you to our induction week commencing on Monday 18th April (next Monday) at 07h30 sharp."

I'd briefly met an English girl back in Bellengen who worked at a bush camp (whatever that is). It sounded fascinating so I scribbled the name of the place down on a scrap of paper and stuffed it into my pack. Stuck in Tamworth I'd stumbled upon it, googled it and found that applications for new staff had closed just a week earlier. I sent them a CV anyway... This was their response.

Now came the dilema: I'd just started on the horse farm and the family was lovely and and and... but this Bush Camp induction sounded way more exciting; even if the email didn't even include my name and was a little general - let's be honest, it's just an induction; hundreds of people might be invited.

I stared at the computer for hours (probably only 3 and a half minutes in real world time) and then went looking for Renee - she was busy strapping the kids into the car - they were all set for camping. I gulped. And then gulped again louder. I just mentioned the Bushcamp and the kids were cheering so loud from their memories of the camp that Renee marched me inside and made my mind up for me.

We tried to call the camp. Answering machine. It was almost 5pm. It was a Friday. I returned an email "See you Monday".

I unpacked my belongings from the car and bid the kids farewell. Renee left me with their house and their ute and their horses and organised me a lift to the highway for dawn-o'clock Sunday morning and then they were out of there.

 Before I knew it I was unemployed again and hitching back into the unknown, headed for a little town called Tea Gardens.

Harry... the dog who thought he was a horse.