Find your Passion. Find your Purpose.

“The two most important days in your life are the day that you are born,
and the day you find out why.”
- Mark Twain

I guess I've got a lot to look forward to then...
I don't have a clue why I was born, but I'm quite glad that I was.
This world is a terribly beautiful place and I would have hated to miss out on it.

A good friend recently taught me to make inverse bucket lists so that instead of simply talking about all the amazing things you're one day going to [maybe] do with your life,
you make a list of all the great things you have already accomplished.
Not for anyone else, but so that you can recall them, and remember the things they taught you.
That way you don't have to think and plan too much.
You just have to jump at opportunities and say “YES!”.
And if you don't, your list stays empty.

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all”
- Helen Keller

I'm sitting in my new room in my new house in my old country and older age contemplating.
There's quite a lot to contemplate.

But as another year draws to a very rapid premature end, I need both red wine and reminiscence and re-evaluation. [And you may think this sentence wrong, but I have two kinds of wine].

Looking back, it's quite easy to feel like a failure, to look back at regrets, failures,
and the bad hair days of 2016.
Personally I'm an optimist.
It may sound like a pleasurable happy thing, but when it comes to making plans and setting out what you want to do with your life, it's quite easy to get carried away.

This year:

I set off to finish my circumnavigation. I gave up just before the end. I failed.

I attempted to find gainful employment. I quit twice, before getting paid. I failed.

I hoped to visit many many new exciting countries. I made it to three. I failed.

I was hoping to work out what I'm on this planet for. I'm even more confused now. I failed.

I thought it might be nice to finally meet the one. I failed miserably.

My life going up in flames [literally]

But the list of things I did accomplish is far longer.
And as far as I'm concerned the only set new year resolution I had was: “Survive 2016.”
I'm doing pretty well on that front.

How did you find 2016?
 What did you accomplish?
Who did you meet?
What did you do?
Who did you become?
How do you feel about all of that?

I got back to South Africa at just the right time to watch the world wind down.
People appear to be in a state of limbo-ed complacency as they count down the days till
Christmas leave.
It's been good to listen to people talk about what they want to do differently next year.
It's been good to remember why I chose a life of professional gypsyism.
It's reminded me even more about what I don't want to do with my life!

“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is,
maybe you should set up a life you don't need to run away from”
– Seth Godin

But still it is good to work. It is good to toil.
It's good to break a sweat and feel like you've accomplished something,
that you've led a life worthy of your calling.
Remember life's not meant to just be average!

“When I stand before God, at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left
and could say “I used everything you gave me” “
- Erma Bombeck

Thank You for being Born

Coming home is not quite as easy as you might think. 

Even when you "just take a plane"...

While everyone else breezed past security, I had that bear scanned at all five airports on the way (Cairns. Bali. Bangkok. Addis Ababa. Johannesburg). 

Apparently either he or I look like we might be pushing drugs or smuggling some small children inside (although I'm not quite sure how I might have gotten said "small children" inside). 

And yes it was great to lick South African soil (some may call it "airport floor") 

and have my grandmother smiling and ready to make me her eternal housemate, never allowing me to venture off on another adventure ever again; 

but I had to keep her waiting an hour while I attempted to change $20 into rands. 

I didn't own an address or a phone number... even with a foreign passport, this simple task was impossible!

It took me four days and five attempts to try and acquire a phone number [luckily Ouma came in to rescue me... she'll have to do the same again as I attempt to unfreeze my bank account...]  

Meet Ouma. She's amazing!

I tried to hire a car, but without a credit card, nobody wanted to give me one. 

That's okay I suppose, I have started exploited our non-existent transport system for what it's not worth! 

And have enjoyed a whole host of incredible "taxis" with a plethora of friends and family!

But despite the bureaucracy and transportlessness, I have to admit it is flipping good to be back.

 I've spent a few days with my brother and his "pets". 

I've witnessed the miraculous growth of families as almost everyone I know has milked their wombs for their fertileness.

 I've spent time with my granny and cousins and friends. 

And I even had the privilege of crashing a best friend's wedding!

Brother

And just one of his many pets.

Look how fertile South African soil is...

It was a great wedding to crash too!

On long flights, in bank and sim card queues, on long bus rides, 

and while trapped in camp by herds of elephants; I've had much time to think and reminisce. 

I don't think any of you have an inkling of an idea of how incredible you really are and how much you've given to my life! 

In fact the list of people I need to thank for keeping me alive, off the streets, out of prison, and with a smile on my face is impossibly long!

They seem to get a kick out of trapping you inside

Some of you I have known for years and you've actively shaped and guided my life; 

you've put up with my nonsense, 

encouraged me, inspired me, given me all sorts of sound advices, 

and you've supported my weird life directions (sometimes with bated breath). 

For that I thank you profusely! 

But there's also all those people who hitched me (to get an ice-cream, or across countries, or oceans).

And those who hitched with me. 

Those who helped me reach dreams (like getting out of prison, or spending a day filling in potholes, or visiting Ikea, or building a raft and sailing it out into the ocean...) 

The amount of people who have taken me in for a night (or a month), 

those who have have fed me, 

or eaten with me (thank you too to the cannibals who refrained from eating me), 

who have kept me entertained and positive through all sorts of trials and tribulations and the hours/days/weeks of border crossings.

On some random border somewhere in central Asia 

Turkmenistan: where every time you stop to ask directions, you get welcomed in for a meal!

Thank you for random hugs and laughs and adventures.

Thank you too to those who carried a scowl and a frown; your misery reminded me I needed joy.

Thank you to all those who stop and help when crises strike!

Three flat tyres, at the same time in Mongolia.
A party ensued with all those who stopped to help!

In fact. It doesn't matter who you are, and whether I've known you for a minute or a decade; 

I want to thank you for being born! 

There's a reason you are here, and the world is a happier, friendlier, and epicer place because of it!

Somewhere in Australia with some happy people who made my week!

Home.

The end was in sight. 

In just three weeks my circumnavigation would be [more or less] complete. 

After 4 awesome [and challenging] years of hitch hiking on other peoples boats across the Indian, the Atlantic, and now the Pacific, I could just about smell the accomplishment.

S/V Fiddler.
60 Foot steel sloop
On which [not entirely against my will] I was forced to be a vegetarian.
I sailed her across the Indian Ocean and rejoined again in the Caribbean

S/Y Nereid
47 foot Beneteau
We survived the freezing cold of  the Atlantic and the Pirates who stole everything including my birthday plans
Although it wasn't all bad celebrating at sea! 

S/Y Yoldia
27 foot toiletless Albin Vega
I hitched her to Panama but then forgot to get off and stayed on board [through loss of autopilot and propane and rigging] all the way to Tonga.

Schooner Sjostrom
96 foot gaff rig
I sailed her through the glassy, windless waters from New Zealand to Fiji

S/Y Yacare
25 foot fiber Beneteau.
The waves were frequently bigger than the boat.
I sailed her from Fiji through the Solomons and PNG

But epiphany strikes when you expect it.

I was casually sailing through some of the most phenomenal islands in the world when one hit me with vengeance.

I suddenly knew what I wanted to do.

(As a woman that's just about unheard of)

And I was so excited about it, it couldn't wait!

Sunset in the Louisiades

It wasn't an easy decision. 

But when more-or-less-civilization struck (Port Moresby), I jumped ship.

I watched Yacare sail off to Indonesia and had tears roll down my face as I realized I was giving up on one dream in the quest for another.

For years I have been helping other people chase their goals and build their projects and float their ships. 

I've sweated and toiled and pushed myself because I don't believe in doing anything half-hearted, 

but at the end of the day I've walked away with only memories (and warm fuzzy feelings).

I've loved most of it, and learned a lot but, and this sounds selfish, it's time for me to build something myself. 

Time to start my own exploit.

I'm quite literally exhausted by "aimlessly" floating around the world.

And even more agonizing is my dire case of homesickness 

I missed the people.

The colours.

I missed the culture.

The animals.

I missed the braais.

The beaches and mountains and forests.

Even the jaapies.

Instagram photo by my incredibly talented baby brother Jeandre' Gerding
(Follow him @Umlunguish)

Photo by @Umlunguish

Photo by @Umlunguish

In fact, I also had a rather peculiar realization;
one that will save months of my life:
IT"S FASTER TO FLY!

And so I gave up trying to wangle my way onto cargo ships (or other random means of transport) and bit the bullet.

Although it's not quite as easy as it sounds!

I flew from Papua New Guinea to Cairns.

From Cairns to Bali.

From Bali to Bangkok.
And my final flights have just been confirmed.
Tonight I fly to Addis Abba and in the morning, for the first time in three long years,  I'll be home.

Photo by @Umlunguish

I'm quite terrified!

I have no idea what's waiting for me in South Africa.

I've been gone for so long that I'm not even sure my family will recognise me, let alone friends.

I've seen, experienced, learned and grown so much that I don't even recognise myself.

Beetle nut for breakfast

In the last 9 years of Part Time Professional Gypsyism (PTPG), this is the first time I've decided to go home for me. 

Not for a wedding. Or by accident. Or for any other reason.

Just because it's time. 

It's where I need and want to be.

I always thought I'd return fit and lean, with excessive bundles of foreign cash...

Instead I carry a squiggy sailor's build and I'm broke (but fortunately not broken).

But if you wait for perfect conditions, you'd better by quite good at knitting.

I'm can't knit!

I'm not sure how long I'll be back for.

I'm not at all sure of the practicalities of what I'm setting out to do...

(The "epiphony" still carries some haziness)

For so long I have taken solace in knowing that I'm a good gypsy.

I'm good at scumming it; scavenging for food, hitching, exchanging skills and muscle for shelter and adventure.

I'm used to migrating. To moving. To letting life distract me.

But I crave a base. A home. Community.

I might be 27 degrees short of a circumnavigation, but for now 

I've had enough of licking foreign soils. 

Enough stories. 

Enough challenges and new places.

 For a while at least.

It's time for something different.

It's time to catch up and reconnect with old friends (if any of you remember me?)

It's time to remember my roots.

It's very much time to go to the airport.

It's time to go home!

Descisions

They say that 10 years of doing something makes you an expert... 

But after 31 years of practice I'm so bad at making descisions that I can't even spell the word. 

I descided that my thirties would be a progressive decade where I leaped forward and lived a lot; grabbing life by the testicles and valiantly tackling all of life's problems as they were thrown at me. 

I successfully cycled over 5000 kilometers across Australia for the amazing charity that is Bikes 4 Life.

The last leg of the trip (and the first leg in lycra) down the Great Ocean Road (Feb, 2016)

I conquered both the Southern tip of Australia and Mount Kosciuszko with an over-sized teddy bear and a torn achilles.

Mount Kosci (Feb 2016)

Wilson's Prom (Southern tip - Feb, 2016)

I survived the first family reunion in 6 years (and Sydney).

NSW, Feb 2016

I braved the flight to New Zealand and valiantly hopped around by the power of onesy (and thumb).

South Island New Zealand, March 2016

I out-paddled a storm as we kayaked the Abel Tasman.

Day 1 of 5 paddling the Abel Tasman, March 2016

I tackled my first grade 4 white water rapids (only because I was too slow to hop out and carry my pack raft).

Hiking out to the Pelorus river (March 2016)

I licked the tip of the South and the top of the North.

Absolute South (Mar 2016)

Top of North, May 2016

And then I descided it was time to complete my circumnavigation by other-peoples sailing boats.

Whangerei, May 2016

I've spent the last few weeks hunched over with terrible back ache and chronic knots in the shoulder and what feels like cows roaming and grazing on the inner lining of my stomach. My heads been on a spin cycle for 25 days and I still struggle to get a clean thought out of it. I've been unable to function on any normal level; and as you might imagine, that's not quite fitting for my gypsy regime. Why you ask? I've had a terrible case of indecisiveness!

There were too many boats owned by far too many nice people heading in far too many exotic tropical directions and I just didn't know how to chose. Fiji or Tonga or Vanuatu or New Caledonia?? Sail with a family or a couple or a single hander? Do a delivery or go cruising? A mono-hull or a cat? Step aboard as crew or take plunge and go captain?... The descisions were endless!!! And every time I was about to comit (another word I can't spell) a new option would appear.

Yesterday I finally descided to cut the crap and I did it - I took the plunge and made a big life descision! I've just hopped aboard my new home and in the morning we set the sails and wish new Zealand goodbye and well... [watch this space] ... 

Apparently descisions are going to haunt us for the rest of our lives. And you know what? It's probably a good thing!  For most descisions it doesn't matter so much what you choose: The chicken or the beef... going commando or granny panties... it doesn't matter where you go and what you do ... but you only have one life so make sure you make epic ones!

Legacy

What were you born for??

In this cruel world of suffering and refugees and homeless people and war and taxes and divorce and hatred and PMS and Trump you can’t help but wonder why it is you turned up on this here planet… right?

I mean, whether we like it or not, we’re adding to the problems. 

We’re simply another mouth to feed. Some more footprints of carbon. 

We’re the ones having bad days and mood swings and frustrations. We’re the ones cursing the check-out counters for the back log of elderly people taking an hour to buy half a litre of milk. 

We’re either the bosses other people hate or we’re the ones spreading hate by bad-mouthing our bosses.

But what are you living for?? Why are you here?

We all won the sperm race. We’re all alive today. 

We forget that there may be a reason for that.

It’s easy to simply exist: eat, sleep, work, facebook, repeat. 

It’s easy to hang out with this or that sort of person. It’s easy to relax in your comfort zone. It’s easy to simply be. 

But is that living??

In staunch contrast to the gawking beauties of the islands of New Zealand, I’ve seen more pain and hardship than I have in a long time. I’ve been more confronted with death and pain and suffering than I’d like. It’s bought me a few tears and break downs; but it’s also bought me back to life.

Sometimes we get so caught up in comparing ourselves and our abilities with others. It’s easy to think that we’re not good enough or that our lives are meaningless. 

We’re selfish, but often self-loathing. 

We’re rich in so many things, but we all call ourselves broke. 

We’re too scared to give for fear that we won’t have enough. 

We’re all too scared to try things, just in case we fail.

But if you have legs; go places. 

If you have eyes; fill them with beauty. 

If you have a voice; sing, laugh and yell for joy. 

If you have friends and family; hug them often. 

If you have dreams; chase them.  

If you have life; make the most of it.

One day we’re all going to die. The question is, what legacy are you going to leave behind??