One Life - Love It!

Somebody recently pointed out that I turn 30 next year, and subconsciously I started preparing myself for my impending demise…
 

Come 30 I even thought my licking days would have to be over...

And then, two Thursdays ago, my phone rang – a family member had died. So I sucked in my fear of flying, hopped on a plane, bought some shoes (so I could be a respectable pole bearer), and touched down in Joburg.
 

My last living memory of Aunty Alta

Aunty Alta was the tiniest person I’ve ever know, but she had the biggest heart! And, while it was sad to have lost a Grandma, her death led me to meet our newest family member and to see family I had not seen in years, it led me to meet my tiny godkid, to see friends, to three days of solid reunions, and tears, and hugs. Her life and death reminded me what it really means to live.

The cousin and his new family

Meeting little Cuan, my tiny nephew

My little godkid to be - Dandelion (aka Zoe; the one on the left)

Back in Cape Town, after sharing the oldest cab in Cape Town with a random stranger, I went for a run and saw a man in his late 80s playing rugby with some 8 or 14 year old boys. I stopped and stared. They all had the biggest smiles on their faces and it suddenly hit home – it really doesn’t matter how old you are – life’s what you make it. And for most of us, life’s only just beginning!

My first ever shared cab... and the nicest driver too to mark the occasion

After 7 days of solid partying, good music, amazing food, weird coincidences, and something o’clock in the morning bed times; I took a night off and dug out my old bucket list. I sat down and actually thought about the things I’d love to accomplish in my life. While the list is probably too long to accomplish in this life time [and still needs to be worked on – I’m completely open to suggestions and accomplices] – there’s only one way to find out.

 

After taking out the things I’ve already achieved, this is what remains [in no particular order]:

1. Drink a beer in every country in the world
2. Start an empire
3. Get a criminal record for something epic (age 80+ - think streaking at a international sports game type thing)
4. Accidently discover a cure for a major disease
5. Taxidermise a pet
6. Add a word to the oxford dictionary
7. Survive a plane crash
8. Swim the English channel and//or northern sea
9. Write and publish a book on why Speedos should never be worn
10. Write and publish a travel novel
11. Win a noble prize
12. Live on a deserted island
13. Grow a beard
14. Cook and eat road kill
15. Bake a cake taller than my shortest friend
16. Climb Everest
17. Make a feature film
18. Climb Manchu Pichu
19. Find ‘the one’
20. Elope/ get married
21. Have kids
22. Legally give one kid a truly ridiculous name
23. Survive a month without a shower
24. Run a marathon
25. Death road in Bolivia
26. Reunite Butt Mullet (world’s most underappreciated lyrically deviant band) for a reunion gig
27. Travel to a distant country just for dinner
28. Cycle the Cape Epic
29. Buy a camel // lama // goat
30. Complete a week long [spiritual?] pilgrimage barefoot
31. Cycle across a continent
32. Lick the statue of liberty
33. Defy gravity
34. Participate in Carnival in Rio
35. Do the splits
36. Join a nudist colony for the day
37. Raft through the grand canyon
38. October Fest in Munich
39. Heliski
40. Finish 2 pork knuckles (eisbeins) in one sitting
41. Be a mermaid
42. Visit the Aral sea
43. Leave my ‘mark’ on at least 7 world wonders
44. Own my own homey home
45. Travel in a hot air balloon for an extended distance
46. Lasso a cow
47. Climb a pyramid
48. Organize a rock band to crash a Justin Beiber/ Celine Dion concert
49. Get a random tattoo chosen by a stranger
50. Lick a porcupine
51. Patent something [preferably something awesome]
52. Complete a half iron man
53. Swim the golden mile
54. Tame a wild animal and make it my pet
55. TP a national monument
56. Sheer a sheep and turn it into dashboard fluff
57. Get someone else to add this task to my list
58. Smash a guitar rock star style
59. Pick up at least 17 hitch hikers in an abnormally small car
60. Set a Guinness world record
61. Fly a helicopter
62. Travel over land and sea (ie: flightless travel) from Australia to Spain
63. Walk across a country
64. Never be in debt
65. Transiberian railway
66. Cross the Bearing sea between Russia and Alaska
67. Marry two people
68. Skinny dip in every ocean
69. Learn how to play guitar
70. Swim in a pool of money
71. Throw a handgranade
72. Finish the Lord of the Rings trilogy
73. Write a song and actually sing it to people
74. Learn a third language
75. Learn a fourth language
76. Get my dive license
77. Bungee jump
78. See the northern lights
79. Motorbike across south America
80. Kite surf
81. Great barrier reef
82. Pirate swing from one boat to another to commandeer a cup of tea and some cake
83. Mug a hobo
84. Orchestrate a mass burning of evil pop music CDs
85. Running of the bulls
86. Moon a president
87. Submerge in a submarine
88. Lick a president/ royal
89. Tell someone the entire story of my life sparing no details
90. Break out of prison
91. Build and live in an igloo for as long as weather permits
92. Live to be 100
93. Hike the whole coast of RSA
94. Open a backpackers hostel
95. Own a bar
96. Drive a monster truck over a car
97. Travel on an iceberg
98. Never have a 9-5 job
99. Win a major competition
100. Own my own boat
101. Find and eat the world’s hottest chilli
102. Do a Mexican wave in Mexico
103. Cycle from Norway to Cape Town (or vv)

 You only have one life...  Make sure you love it!

Old and Lonely

It’s really amazing how one minute you’re doing your weekend grocery and vital Easter egg shopping and the next you’re surrounded by ambulances and blood…

Three missed calls and a rude message later I finally picked up the phone. The brother had been rushing me because he was bored of waiting – but you can’t hurry shopping queues. And from last week’s hurrying of the cashier I have learned never to rush them either. They stop what they are doing look you in the eye and lecture you on how your whole life needs to slow down and while it’s embarrassing to have a horde of people listening to it – my cashier definitely had a point: I probably did need to slow down a little, and I think Jeandre’ (the brother) does too.

When I eventually made it into post-queue-freedom I tried to push one more thing with the brother: “Should we grab some beers on the way out?” – Jeandre’ was tempted but replied that he just wanted to leave the shops forever and that it was probably better for us to be healthier anyway so we didn’t.

But after climbing the escalator and descending the stairs (a random exit methodology I know, but yes, that is how the Garden centre works), we walked straight into two screaming woman and an old man in a pool of blood.

We calmed the younger woman down and asked her what had happened. “He fell on his face” she cried. “Do you know him?” “No. He was alone.” A security guard and I asked the man if he was okay to get up, and lifted him to his feet to try and get him into a more comfortable sit down/ stroke recovery position while we sent the older woman to find centre management and Jeandre’ ran to find ice.

Blood flowed in rivers from his nose and mouth as I sat him down and tried to find out how bad the fall was and how aware he was of his surroundings. “What’s your name sir?” I thought he replied Chad and called him that for most of our conversings… but it was in fact Ted. Ted was hard at hearing and softly spoken – the following was yelled and repeated many times over:

“How are you feeling?”

“Am I alright? I fell.”

“You’re bleeding a lot but you look alright. Did you trip over something?” I asked, wondering still if he had had a stroke.

“I just fell over.”

“Is there anyone I can call?”

 “No.”

“Do you have any family?”

“No”

“Do you have any friends?”

“No. I live alone.”

“Surely there is someone who we can call?”

Blood was now forming little meandering streams on the sidewalk.  Jeandre’ returned with a bag of frozen peas he had just shoplifted from Woolworths (He figured throwing a R50 note at the security guard as he fled the scene would make up for it). Now it was my turn to run to get toilet paper.

A crowd had gathered by the time I got back and Ted seemed to be slipping out of consciousness. So I carried on talking to him as we mopped the blood off his face and suit.

“And how old are you?” - “95” - “Do you know where you are?”… The conversation then shifted to actual medical support seeing as nobody with any official medical experience had shown up yet. We didn’t want to call an ambulance because we knew he had no medical aid or much money so we found a good Samaritan with a car and were almost set to go when the centre’s first aider finally pitched followed by one ambulance after the next. The whole street shone with bright flashy lights and uniformed people.

Apart from a big cut to his mouth and a potentially broken nose, Ted also had a broken wrist. He needed a hospital. The paramedics assured us that he would be well taken care of and that he wouldn’t pay a cent for it. Jeandre’ left them with his phone number just in case.

My heart was broken as I watched the whole scene unfold. Imagine having no family and no friends. Imagine living to be 95 without having anyone to celebrate it with. Imagine being taken to hospital with nobody to visit you. Imagine finally reaching the end of your life with nobody to say goodbye to. I tried to imagine what it felt like to be Ted.

Ted spent the entire time clutching his small bag of blood covered groceries. I had sent one of the screaming woman on a mission to find a new bag for him – but even then he wouldn’t let go and finally only gave way enough for us to slip his torn bag into a new one. He’d taught himself to trust nobody. It was as if those groceries were his prized possessions.

“Am I alright?” Ted asked the first paramedic on the scene after various tests and questions had taken place. The paramedic looked him I the eye and said a very respectable “Sir, if I were your age and I still had a heart rate like that and still walked to the shops, I would be very happy indeed.” A smile cracked across his face for the first time.  

In retrospect we probably should have stopped to buy beer (we would have made it home a couple of hours earlier) – but meeting Ted changed my life in a weird way. If I am lucky enough to make it to 95 in good health; I want a life filled with people, with trust, with meaning and a life filled with constant smiles. Without that it doesn’t matter how old you are - you’re pretty much dead already. I hope Ted finds that before it really is the end. 

The grandmother and the other Ted - she seems to get younger by the day - Teddy on the other hand  is starting to look a bit worse for wear.

Grey haired and old or uber young - we ALL need people!

The oldest pizza I've ever met - there's a reason it is now lonely in a garbage can somewhere.